Saturday, October 3, 2015

{Day 2} 31 Days of Allowing...almost a flunkie already??

Has it been a crazy week in your house too?

You may recall from yesterday’s blog that my therapist is encouraging words that I FEEL rather than words I THINK.

It’s generally a challenge. But not today.

Allow me to share that nearly a year ago, I was, at the age of 54, diagnosed with ADD. The highly renowned doctor who was the head of the diagnosis team told me I should be proud of earning a Master’s degree, mostly because my symptoms are so severe he isn’t sure how I get through a day.

Well, then… that is confronting. Not surprising, however. And I have been blessed to find a terrific behavioral therapist. 

Back to today.

One of the hats I wear is Adjunct English Instructor. Grades are due every Friday.  Every Friday. Doesn’t change.

I enjoy my position and am grateful for it. However, Adjunct Instructor translates to no guarantee from one semester to the next, which necessitates another job. That job had an end of the month push, and there was preparation for Write 31 Days. And the online photography class I am taking. And each day’s schoolwork. What all of that really means is I had a lot of grading to do today, along with writing a blog.

Contrary to what many believe, ADD is not a complete lack of focus. Often, it is spreading my focus on 3 or 4 or 9 things at once. Or it is INTENSE focus on just one thing, which may or may not be pertinent. I can bust through a task list, but almost always do so from least important to most, while I am talking out loud to myself about what is next.

You can insert the H into AD_D when I don’t have the list finished and the remaining items have a deadline.

Like today.

Grades. And a blog.

Any emotional upset can double the tension in a second.

For the past two hours, I was reading papers out loud in order to make sure the grading was correct.

And a silly commercial on TV (Yes, the Pirate game was turned. Thing 2) nearly made me cry.

And my heart has been pounding.

Grades are done.

Now the question – Do I ALLOW myself to skip writing a blog, even though it is only Day Two? Or do I allow myself to let it spill?

The therapist wins. Today’s words are definitely FELT, not thought out.

I’m ALLOWING the blog to be posted because it’s real. It’s me. And with or without ADD, it might be you on some days.

And it’s okay.

The momentum of today was fast and furious and mostly upstream. And because this day is almost over, I will ALLOW myself to write about its frustration and tears and shortcomings. 

The good news is that God, in His infinite wisdom, designated a time of sleep which rests our bodies and stops the momentum of our minds.

Did you hear that really good news? When you sleep, the momentum of the day stops.

So I am allowing myself to spill out the rawness of pushing all day and needing to finish grades and wanting to give my students an excellent effort and NOT wanting to be a Write 31Days flunkie already and dealing with the other life stuff that each day brings…

And in a few minutes, I will put my head down, wait for sleep, and not allow the rhythm of this day to repeat itself when I awake.

You’ve been through a day – or a 100 – like this. I’m sure you have.

But maybe you hadn’t considered the glorious gift of sleep and its momentum-stopping capacities.

In the morning, I will be ALLOWED to choose my mood and my momentum. My intention is to not choose this day again.

Let that roll around in your head for a while…I would love to hear your thoughts.

Then come back because there is much more to say about ALLOWING.

We will talk again tomorrow…


I am participating in Write 31 Days. Click here to read more about it and see the other amazing bloggers.
You can see earlier entries below this blog or in the sidebar under 2015.
Beth Painter is, among many other things, a writer and motivational speaker. You can follow her on Facebook on the “Think Big focus small” page.
Beth is available to speak to your group about how to make your dreams and desires come to life! 

1 comment:

Angelines Peace said...

Thank you for sharing with us! After reading this post, my thoughts are rolling around like a million little silver balls inside a pinball machine. I too suffer from ADD. Many days my thoughts and feelings bounce around inside my head. My great ideas and myriad of plans, light up a like a pinball machine set to jackpot mode.

The problem is, when I have that many thoughts running through my head, I feel as though someone else is at the helm of the flippers My life become unmanageable and out of control. In those moments of excessive energy, I must choose whether or not I am going to allow myself to receive, or to unconsciously ignore and squander my feelings,talents, and blessings away.I am learning new ways to be present and embrace the power of NOW. Living with ADD requires creating new paradigms for living. As I create and activate new patterns of adaptability, I am better able to accept and live life according to life's ever changing terms. Everyday is a good day.Some days are simply better than others.

On a daily basis, I set goals, prioritize my responsibilities and do my best to purposefully and meaningfully meet "outside" deadlines, commitments and obligations. However what I often fail to do the same for myself. "Once upon at time", I set writing as a priority goal... not so much these days. Since reading this post today, I realize, when I do not write daily, because " I don't have enough time, or because I judge what I have to say "as not good enough or unimportant",I block myself from receiving vital information from my spirit, about my spirit,necessary for the care care and health of my well-being.

I am grateful for the reset button of sleep and rest.It allows me, without distraction, to keep my mind and my heart open to allowing. Whether awake or at rest I receive EVERY THING I need,EVERY DAY. When I keep the door of allowing open, even it is just cracked a little bit, I am blessed and divinely infused with the "response ability" to live fully and abundantly each day. I am enough... just the way I am! Thanks again for the reminder!